The Invisible Scars

When entering into a military relationship you are well aware that things will never be easy. Spending long periods of time apart, having your loved one in harms way, and even raising children alone while your spouse is away. These are all things that you have come to expect, things that civilians even know happen in the military life. We have no problem calling up any of our friends or family to talk a out these challenges and struggles. We hang up the phone and put our jackets of courage and strength back on and continue to do what's needed of us to keep our family going. The day your spouse returns from a deployment you are so relieved to take that jacket off and replace it with your favorite shirt of happiness and love. It can become one of the happiest days of your life.

In Novemeber of 2010 my husband returned home from Afghanistan from his second deployment, praise God! It only took me a few days to realize that my jacket of strength and courage was still very much needed. As weeks went by it became very clear that something was very wrong- war had come home with my husband. There were so many things I expected whe I entered a military relationship, but I never saw this one coming. No one prepared me for the challenges we were about to face. Alcohol quickly became one of my husband's best friends, nightmares and lack of sleep left their marks daily, loud bangs on the wall from neighbors make him very uneasy, and crowds of people prevented us from pretty much going anywhere. My husband seemed to be in complete denial about what was happening and I felt lonelier than ever. Its a hard thing to explain, but when you are in a situation like this you don't think that anyone will understand. You don't want to call up your family or friends and make your husband look like any less of a man than he is to you. You see all the others that come home from deployment and they all seem just fine- or are they? Looking in from the outside you wouldn't have a clue what my husband was going through (this post is going to actually be a huge surprise to many of my friends and family members), and I can't help but think of how many other men this is happening to.

After months of denial, my Mom K. (my husbands mom) called me up and asked me what was going on because she knew in her heart that something wasn't right. It was easy to keep all of this from people since we live so far away from both of our homes. I am still to this day so thankful for that phone call because I knew it was time to ask for help- but never knew how to ask for it. My husband loves his Mom to death and she always gives him advice to lead him in the right direction- he respects her and really listens to what she has to say. I am so grateful for that! Her next phone call was to my husband and she demanded that he needed to get help.

Here we are a year later- many many psychologist and doctor appointments later. We are geared up with tools to help him cope and at times medicine to help with depression. Our marriage is stronger than I ever could have imagined- and our relationship with Jesus Christ is growing every single day. It has been laid upon both of our hearts that this didn't happen to us for no reason, this is our story that needs to be shared. And please, if you are reading this- share it with everyone you know, because you never know who it could help. If just one person reads this that is facing a war at home with PTSD, TBI, or depression we know that sharing our personal story is worth it. I want you to know; you are not alone. Do not be afraid to ask for help, do not be ashamed of these invisible scars, and most importantly know that you are a warrior- God has chosen you to carry this weight because you have the strength and courage to do so. I am praying for you- I am praying for the challenges you are facing- and I am praying that your experience brings you closer to God.

We are here for you, whether your spouse is facing these challenges or you yourself are struggling with PTSD, TBI,  or depression. If you need someone to talk with- send me an email triciakindred@me.com

"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me". Philippians 4:13